05.02 Leo Full Moon

 in this post, i just wanted to discuss some thoughts i have about the Leo full moon tomorrow night. 

i have written up a thread all about what this lunation is bringing into all of our lives, astrologically. but, in this post, i wanted to take it to a more personal level. 

for me, this full moon is a really important one: recently, i’ve been really seriously thinking about transitioning, and have discussed all of my gender issues with my psychiatrist. we’re trying to work through them together so i can finally understand myself and i hope that this transit can help with that. since this particular moon is all about self-love, taking the spotlight and illuminating our innermost wants no matter how scary they seem, i think it can bring good enlightenment into my life. 

the thought of transitioning is very (!!!) scary to me, and i do think my gender dysphoria has been growing more significant recently, as i said in my thread about how our troubles may have been growing along with the waxing moon. but, despite my fear, i think i can see that this is something i’ve always wanted since being a small child, so i’m really working on trying to understand exactly what it is i want and just simply accepting this fact, rather than running from it. i think, in general, this full moon can be a significant time for those of us who aren’t cisgender or who otherwise don’t “fit” within society, as it is providing us with the lion-like strength we need to face our challenges head-on and find affirmation and love on the other side. it’s all about love: finding self-love, love from our family, and support from our friendships. i think this full moon for many could be illuminating the friendships that are no longer serving and showing who truly supports our journeys. 

the square with the lunar nodes is especially interesting as i do often feel like the trans experience pulls you in two directions, similar to how this transit is making us feel. i think that often we are trying to bridge a gap between living authentically and simultaneously pleasing society and our family/friends. but, during this full moon, i want us to throw away that rule book ! we need to live exactly as we please: life is too short to dilute our identity and hide from our truth. 

this lunation is exciting. i hope it will bring me progress on my path and self-love. i hope it can do the same for you. goodluck. 

♡ Admin Sparkle

explorations of my blossoming faith; Finding sanctuary

 welcome back to the blog. Admin Sparkle here with some more random thoughts.

recently, i’ve been thinking a lot about devotion and forms of worship/religion and how they correspond with my beliefs as well as all of our lives. to me, faith is important, although i don’t believe that faith is important, in the traditional sense. what i mean by this is that i am not of the belief that an individual has to choose a religion or set of beliefs and stick with it, but rather i believe in building your own way of life and practices of faith around what you find meaning, beauty and joy in. 

for example, i practice astrology: i hold the belief that horoscope and planetary transits hold deep meaning in our mortal lives. i find great joy in learning about my placements and what they are bringing/will bring to my life, and how they affect my interactions with the outside world and my identity. yet, i find pleasure in other practices too. i hold some catholic beliefs; i think catholicism is a beautiful religion with deep cultural significance (all religions hold deep cultural significance, of course, but for me growing up in western europe, catholicism is what we’re taught most). what i’m trying to get at is that i think how religion is taught in systems of education is often narrow-minded, spreading a sort of all-or-nothing idea- that you have to choose one spiritual path, but this isn’t true. and, i think, this idea actually pushes people away from faith because it makes the topic daunting, like a lifetime commitment. 

i know that at least for me, i was always very atheist growing up. members of my family were religious- my grandmother in particular was very catholic ♡- but my immediate household never really held religious beliefs. but in the past year, i’ve gained an insatiable need to understand myself and my world. i’m unsure if this is my issues with control or identity or both seeping into my spirituality, but either way, i’ve gained some faith in the ways i described previously. and, i still have a long way to go on my journey: just recently, in fact, i received a birth chart reading from the lovely Cupid Astrology that i intend to read this weekend, and i’m hoping it will be insightful. i’m always searching for guidance and messages from the cosmos and my chart because, like i said at the beginning, it’s really important to me. the idea that there are higher powers, in whatever form they may take for you, is something i think we should find comfort in: not everything is up to us to understand all the time. i still feel strangely embarrassed about this journey. i don’t discuss my astrological ideas or otherwise faithful beliefs with my family- possibly it’s still the more judgmental younger version of myself shining through. 

but i hope that in 2023 i can develop even more, and let my spirituality blossom. i hope i can become more comfortable in myself this year; that is my number 1 resolution. i want to understand myself and i want to love myself. 

i hope the planets are moving in my favour. Sending lots of blessings and positivity to you, reader. ♡ Sparkle

chatroom~ ringtone from the soul

hello again, guests ♡! welcome back to the spiritual waiting room; i am so incredibly sorry that we had an extended period of closure, but we are now open after some small maintenance to provide your regular doses of spirituality, girliness, astrology, and getting lost in the cosmos. 

today is going to be a jumble of topics that come to me as i please- a chatroom of the soul, if you like

the first thing i wanted to address is the astrology: lots has been happening in the cosmos, dearest guests !! but i have struggled to find the time and energy to report on it, and for that i apologise. i hope to get back on track with my research and cosmic news soon. 

i have been working hard to try and better understand myself and who i want to become in 2023, and i think i can see the stars at the end of this tunnel. my journey is confusing and difficult and exhausting, and sometimes i want to give up and ignore what i feel, but i know that ultimately what’s meant for me will happen, and what feels scary isn’t wrong because of that. change is coming i can feel it~~!

i hope you’re all taking care. ♡^^♡

i try to remain positive about all that goes on in my life but i often am overcome with a sense of hopelessness when i sit and reflect on my situation. things often feel so impossible and out of reach that it almost feels easier to suppress my emotions than explore them, but i do have faith in the universe and the stars that things will come out in my favour. 

i think faith is such a vital thing, but not necessarily in the traditional religious sense, but faith that there’s something out there guiding us. whether it’s the cosmos and lunations or a god or another higher power altogether, i find comforting solace in having something to believe in. it takes the pressure away from always feeling as though i need to have everything figured out, if that makes sense. 

i encourage you to find guidance in something if you can, even if that just means opening up to those in our lives. 

to the sidebar of my blog, i added a “cosmic mail” section where hopefully i’ll keep up with recent transits. it’s a little outdated currently due to reasons aforementioned, but im hoping to update it soon~

in a general life update, i finished my exams and i’m hoping to sell my first sewing projects soon ♪( ´θ｀)

you can follow me on instagram @frilllies… hopefully i’ll be able to finish the final two products for my first launch tomorrow and list them on sunday, the day after ♡

also, i’m not sure if it’s something in the astrology but i’ve been having lots of strange and vivid dreams recently. usually, i hardly ever dream or have nightmares, but since the start of 2023 i’ve dreamt so often and i usually wake up able to fully recall the content of my dream. i’m hoping to look into if there is something in the transits causing this, or if something else is contributing. 

i actually rather like dreaming, so it is not unwelcome, but rather curious. 

i want to immerse myself in my writing and inspirations as much as possible and push out more creations. less endless scrolling (i say this but don’t do it.. ㅜㅜ)

i got a hobonichi weeks for christmas and i have absolutely loved working in it weekly: it’s so cute and practical. i love decorating it with my cute memos and stickers and washi tapes.. hopefully i’ll post some of my spreads for january soon !

that reminds me i need more memos…

it’s getting late and i want to wake up early tomorrow so i can be productive, so i’ll go. hopefully i’ll write tomorrow

i miss writing here for you all. 

but until then, admin Sparkle says goodbye~ ♡ 

my mind’s eye: opening slowly

 hello again dearest readers, it has been quite some time since i’ve written to you all and i apologise. i haven’t found time or inspiration to write here. 

but, today, i am back with another analysis of a poem i wrote recently, and telling you all what the meaning behind this poem is. i hope you enjoy it ​♪ 

11.12.22 ♡ bouquet of modernity

my mind
opening slowly: a rosebud
though thick with layers
of despair and blood

my mind’s eye
opening slowly
swans enter my dreams
touching me with gentle beauty
and ferocity

connected
my mind my heart my soul
by orchid roots, tangling
their beautiful harvest
wilted, dry, dangling

tulip stems
tied with silk ribbon: a noose
dying slowly: a bouquet of modernity
resigned to wither
it will be romanticised, fantasised
for all of eternity

to me, this poem is a commentary on contemporary society. the message i hope to leave is the way in which we as a society tend to romanticise mental illness or otherwise dangerous practices in the name of beauty. it is critiquing society’s insatiable desire to be beautiful and youthful at all costs. i used the imagery of flowers throughout: roses, orchids, tulips. this is the “bouquet”. but, it becomes the “bouquet of modernity” in particular when you see the darkness that is surrounding these objectively beautiful, delicate, naturally-occurring entities. for example, the tulip stems tied with a ribbon, a “noose”, referencing the outwards perception of beauty but within we are resigned to a fateful life of being judged by appearances and appeasing society’s gaze. 

i especially enjoy the lines “their beautiful harvest / wilted, dry, dangling”. referencing orchid roots, i think this perfectly encapsulates the pressure for us to cut parts of ourselves off that don’t fit with our peers or surroundings. it represents those of us who never see our own internal beauty until it’s too late, and we’re left “dangling”, because society judges us only externally. 

i included reference to swans because i find them completely admirable. they’re beautiful and ethereal yet disturbed and ferocious, angry, even. a swan to me within this poem represents someone beaten into conforming to society’s strict beauty regime and who has been worn down by the harshness of judgment, left with anger and bite. but they could also represent a kind of “wolf in sheep’s clothing”: something beautiful yet evil, much like many things sold to us now are.

the ending two lines tie the bouquet of modernity up together perfectly. they comment on the never-ending romanticism of pain and suffering when the person in question is conventionally beautiful. this is something i see constantly on social media: someone who’s ill or hurting but their struggles are simply looked past and they are objectified, chalked up to only their external features and objectively “beautiful” appearance. modern society is often so obsessed with beauty that it is all we see; we don’t appreciate us for us. 

i hope you enjoyed this, lovely guests, because i enjoyed writing it for you all. let me know what you think.

love, your blog admin ~Sparkle

fulfilment of the soul

 hello lovely guests~ today, i wanted to discuss creation, and how all of us can find beauty in our lives through making art and creating things ♡:.+ ٩(๑❛o❛๑)۶+.:♡

recently, i’ve been overwhelmed with a sense of creativity and have been sewing or drawing lots of days, much more frequently than i had been doing before..

i’ve been working mostly on prototype products for my planned instagram shop. i’m hoping to sell hand-made textile products and have been practicing a coin purse & makeup pouch design. on instagram i’d been seeing lots of ual csm student’s works which has inspired me to draw in my own time for the first time in months. the work that csm students produce is other-worldly.. their minds work differently to the rest of us i think.. everything they produce is so beautiful ♡

i’ve been feeling motivated when seeing these works online and i’m so glad that it’s making me inspired. but, this doesn’t come without pitfalls. looking at other’s work, inevitably, creates comparison which i find really demotivating ㅜㅜ i often look at other people’s art/crafts and feel as though mine aren’t good enough or creative enough. i’m a real perfectionist so these thoughts make me not even want to create at all..

i’m working on that. i think that it’s something that we can all relate to- comparison- and something we can all work on changing. remember to take each day as it comes. nothing is perfect or done right in one try. let yourself practice and fail and learn; that’s the beauty of the creative process. it is a process. i hope that this resonates with someone out there and you can hear my message. good things are coming~

allow beauty and art into your life; look for it within the little things. finding beauty in the mundane will bring you such joy. once you start looking for beauty, even the most boring things will begin to shine.

your admin, Sparkle ♡ 

let the light living in your ♡ bloom

hello again cosmos-dwellers ♡(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♡ today’s post is another with minimal direction simply because i am in the mood to write for you all..

i,m writing on my laptop for the first time . this is a new experience for this blog. i like seeing my pages from new perspectives like this: it's refreshing. it makes me feel like an outsider looking in on my blog. i wonder what someone who came across my blog would think? how would they view me; what picture of me would they create in their mind? let me help you, dearest reader: i have brown hair and i have little golden highlights running through it. my eyes are brown too- dark brown. right now i'm wearing my glasses, but i don't usually. i'm wearing my favourite pink button-down shirt with a pink tie. what do you think of me now? has your picture changed to fit...

tonight, i'm listening to Windswept Adan by ichiko aoba. i love this album and the cover art- it's so beautiful and serene and twinkly. makes me feel like a wood nymph. 

i reorganized my spotify a little tonight; changed some playlist covers to new photos that i found in the cosmos. i also made a new tumblr blog. it has zero followers and not a single interaction. i like that. it only has the prettiest pictures and peace. no one could disturb me there, it's like a little digital daydream. i really love pretty things. my infatuation with curating feeds and personas is probably quite telling about me. i often feel as though i live with my head in the clouds.. maybe something in my chart explains this. my libra ascendant making me obsessed with my appearance even digitally? i'm unsure

porcelain by aoba just came on. i love this song so much. it feels sad almost, but in a sort of bitter-sweet way. aoba is a genius. 

"It's strange: our waltz waxes and wanes  月夜の waltz あわせて

In time with this moonlit night  満ちたり 引いたり 不思議なこと

The flowers bob their enormous heads  ハナゴンドウ 飛び跳ねて

Could something be awakening?  何が起きるの？

The bougainvilleas are lovely, aren't they?  ブーゲンビリア きれいね

Let the light living in your heart bloom, too  こころに宿る 光を ひらいて"

those lyrics are perfect. the way she references the moon and its lunar cycles feeds my soul ♡ 

the final line of the song leaves the listener with a message that we all need to hear now and then. it reminds us to never dull our sparkle for others, and to live as our completely authentic self, always. even wen society tells us not to, we must stay true to ourselves. we need to let our souls bloom. that really resonates with me, and i hope it can with you also lovely guests. 

i need to go now as it's getting really late and i need to sleep, but i hope you enjoyed reading my ramblings for today. if you made it to the end of this post, i appreciate you eternally. i hope that your days will bring blessings, take care. love, your edmin, Sparkle~~

heart of the lotus is beating..

hello again lovely readers ♡ i hope you are all resting well so far. today, i wanted to do a simple free-writing blog post for me to talk about what’s been going on in my world lately and how i’m feeling. i have just gotten out of the bath and am feeling warm and safe. tranquil. this is the perfect way for me to relax into my night. 

with each day that goes by i am finding it harder and harder to ignore who i want to become. i don’t know fully who they are yet, but something in my heart is out of place and it is desperate to be freed..

i need to build up the confidence to talk to my parents about this, but in every moment of free time i get too nervous. the words seem too scary: i struggle to form them. i just know that something is wrong but i am struggling to express it to myself, nevermind to others. my body just doesn’t fit. i’ve never really fit in to be honest; i’ve always been different or out of place. i don’t have any friends who are the same agab (assigned gender at birth) as me and can’t relate to anyone of my biological sex.. really i think in my heart i know who i need to be, but admitting it is the hardest part. each day this is the first thing on my mind as i wake up and what keeps me up at night when i’m trying to rest. i need to find the courage from somewhere because i cannot ignore this. i wish i could sometimes but i can’t run from myself.. i need to face it and try to understand who i truly am. like a caterpillar into a butterfly. it doesn’t have to be scary, it can be beautiful. 

i found a picture of little me in a shoebox in my room. i have on a sweet little pink dress. i think younger me was more confident than i am now.. they were never afraid to show the world exactly who they are. i hope little me can hear me. if they can, i hope they’ll send me some of their courage and guide me. ♡ i’ll need it. 

i think that this also links into my 12h sun placement. feeling like i don’t fit in anywhere, like my true purpose is not understood, feeling like i am not truly seen: it’s all traits of the 12h sun placement. everything that i’ve researched about the 12th house sun resonates with me completely.. the idea of the brightest parts of yourself being shrouded in darkness and being hidden away (12h represents the hidden things in life) i feel like could represent my identity. maybe my identity is currently hidden in darkness, but, eventually, it will burst into the light like my sun entering 1h. i think that’s really beautiful, don’t you? (o^^o)​♪ 

“people with 12h sun placements are often confused inside and identity wise because their sun itself is confused.. perhaps the juxtaposition of the sun and light next to what the 12 represents creates this confusion in people” ~ me on my private twitter expressing these same thoughts last week. 

so maybe i need to just leave this in the hands of the cosmos. i hope the universe will guide me towards my designated path. i have faith. ✉️ Sparkle 

 ​♪  sweet carolina - lana del rey

시 (of the heart ♡)

hello again, sweet guests. i hope you are enjoying your residence here so far. welcome back to the spiritual waiting room ♡ today, i am offering poems that i wrote, and trying to explain to you the meaning behind them and what they tell us about the world.

i think i love poems because of they’re beautiful yet so simplistic. often composed of short sentences and words yet conveying a message; i think it’s a beautiful thing. much like the korean word for poem, 시, a new word i’ve learnt with this entry in mind, they’re short and sweet. not over complicated but filled with emotion. so here’s my 사랑시 (love poem) to the world. enjoy 즐겨요.

07.10.22 ♡ secrets from a lotus

wandering angel

my wings are tired

tired of wandering this plain

watch over me

and the other dreamers

whisper to the moon whilst it’s on the wane

bury a secret

deep inside of a wilting lotus

nestled, she’s

between petals

it will float away,

warm with the oncoming breeze

above all, my poems are streams of words and emotions that resonate with me at the time. but, i find that afterwards a deeper meaning can be found between the written lines. with that in mind, this poem to me is representative of the burdens many of us carry around with us in mortal society: “tired of wandering this plain”- referencing said burdens and expectations we hold ourselves to and we are held up to by society, that we exhaust ourselves trying to reach. so, in contrast to this more dystopian view of society, we go back to our roots: the idea of “burying” secrets “deep inside of a wilting lotus” is the idea of going back to our fundamental roots- nature and finding beauty in our surroundings. finding tranquility amongst chaos. the meaning goes deeper than what the line may suggest. it’s advice to us all that we should let go of the aforementioned burdens and leave them to nature in search of peace, when they will “float away” with the “breeze”. ending the poem with mention of breeze, something so slow and naturally occurring brings it back to the original message- that sometimes we feel slow and beaten down by life. but, by accepting and freeing ourselves, we can find inner sanctuary. ​♪

i hope you enjoyed~ take what resonates and think about what you’re carrying day-to-day that you could let go of. share your burdens and worries; they’ll float away. 

i hope this reaches you well. live happily ♡ your admin, sparkle

feel your existence

hellooo again dearest readers ♡ this is your host Sparkle speaking and today i wanted to discuss blogging as a concept.. ironic that i’m posting this on a blog…

so, blogging: i find that blogging can come in very different forms for different people. for example, many people use their personal blogs as a way to display their crafts or products. blogging i think is something seen as quite outdated in our modern sphere yet i believe that it’s on the rise again, just taking a new, updated form. like most things, blogging is a shapeshifter. traditionally, blogging was for tips or advice. and then tumblr was released. 

i think that tumblr greatly changed the way in which we view blogs: no longer were they relics, monuments of past times left up to guide the people of the future. now, they were cool and edgy, in a way, displaying pictures and a perfectly curated and individual energy to the whole interweb. this is the first shift from blogs being for mum’s or crafters into a mainstream younger audience. i mean, i remember when i was little my mum always saying that her and i should start a blog where we talk about anything at all and i always found her idea a little silly. this is what made me want to talk about this topic as i wanted to explore the change. 

i keep two physical journals: a bullet journal and a mini pocket journal for miscellaneous entries. i tend to put my poems and astrological notes in there along with my stream of emotions coming out as words on the page. and i love this. i love the intimacy of my journals; they’re safe, no one can find me there. but something inside me longs insatiably. i have an unquenchable desire to reach people, like-minded people who enjoy things like me and think the same way i do. i think this again comes down to often feeling out of place among my peers. i either feel that they’re immature or just don’t understand me. i struggle to feel understood in this world so often filled with judgement and hate. people’s hearts these days are like lockets but rather than opening gently and with sweet memories stored within, they’re locked away behind bars and with padlocks. it’s hard to connect. especially when you feel different from the people around you.

don’t get me wrong, i have a wonderful friend group who i love very much, but they don’t really. understand me. obviously no one is ever fully understood by anyone, that’s the nature of being a sentient human, but most can see themselves in their peers more than i usually can. i generally find it hard to identify with others; i even find it hard to identify with myself, which i’ve mentioned briefly in a previous entry, but that’s a topic for another time. 

but im losing track of myself. my point is that i need to speak to people and discover what’s truly out there in the world- the real world, not the highschool world i depart from daily. so, i think this is what pushed me to create my blog: a strange mix of emotions. on one hand, i need solitude and safety, a place where i can only be perceived by myself. but, at the same time, i desperately want to touch people’s hearts and minds and souls and beings. so i created a public blog. 

not many people use them, unless they think in the same way that you do. that’s a beautiful thing. being surrounded by other people who understand. it’s tranquil for the mind.

that’s all. i hope my guests, you readers, enjoyed this entry. don’t feel you need to read it all. take what resonates with you as you wish. ♡ 

i hope that this reaches you well. 

​♪  感覺你的存在 (feel your existence) - jolin tsai

a seat in the spiritual waiting room ♡​♪

 i realised after uploading my previous entry that i hadn’t done a proper introduction.. so that’s what this is  ​♪

i have a basic intro on my sidebar which you can read (it contains my basic info and interests as well as what music i like etcetera) but i wanted to share some things about myself here for whomever may find my blog in the online cosmos

i am someone who likes a lot of things and wants to try every activity there is, and i have quite an obsessive personality i suppose.. so once i find something i enjoy, i tend to latch onto it for some time ♡

 i recently discovered the joy of astrology and all things cosmic. i think part of the reason i enjoy learning about this is because it helps me to understand myself. i struggle alot with my gender identity and am only slowly coming to terms with who i want to be; astrology helps me to find sense in my character, which can feel so confusing at times. i also just think the stars are so pretty [ㅜ__ㅜ] astrology to me is incredible because it’s like real life magic. the fact that we can discover things about ourselves and others by simply reading the stars and planets is something so beautiful.. and stars never die

i run a small astrology blog on tumblr to document transits and my learning if anyone’s interested. it’s @cosmicmail ✉️

another thing i find beautiful is language. the art of communication with other beings through unique sounds and letters, no two of which are the same, is an underappreciated art i think !!! i have been learning french for a while now and want to become fluent, and i have also always had a desire to learn a language that doesn’t use the latin alphabet. 나는 배우어 한국 ♡! i chose to learn korean because i think both the language and country are beautiful, and i already knew 한골 so it made perfect sense (๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪ i would love to learn mandarin as well but i think it would be a huge challenge.. maybe one day

the thing i love the most in life is fashion. to me,  clothes and fashion is its own art that can be interpreted however you please. that’s the magic of it. i collect fashion magazines from all around the world, and for every country i visit i buy an issue of the country’s vogue ♡ magazines and books are a passion and obsession of mine.. i have a very large shelf… i will love anything fashion-related really: fashion history, trends, collections and publications. my favourite designers + brands currently are vivienne westwood (always ♡), sandy liang, shushu/tong and miu miu, although, as i said, i love anything even if it’s not my “style”- i’ll still find it interesting. speaking of, i would describe my style as a feminine sort of preppy, quite timeless and with a lot of button-down shirts and ties. but, one of my favourite styles is any gyaru subculture, they’re always so cool ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

so, i think you understand the general message. i enjoy beautiful things: astrology, language, fashion. and so many more (see my side bar). i hope you enjoyed this entry, wonderful reader. i hope this has reached you well and the stars are aligning perfectly so our frequencies meet.. ♡

take care. ~sparkle

p.s. my big3 is virgo sun, cap moon + libra rising