my mind’s eye: opening slowly

 hello again dearest readers, it has been quite some time since i’ve written to you all and i apologise. i haven’t found time or inspiration to write here. 

but, today, i am back with another analysis of a poem i wrote recently, and telling you all what the meaning behind this poem is. i hope you enjoy it ​♪ 

11.12.22 ♡ bouquet of modernity

my mind
opening slowly: a rosebud
though thick with layers
of despair and blood

my mind’s eye
opening slowly
swans enter my dreams
touching me with gentle beauty
and ferocity

connected
my mind my heart my soul
by orchid roots, tangling
their beautiful harvest
wilted, dry, dangling

tulip stems
tied with silk ribbon: a noose
dying slowly: a bouquet of modernity
resigned to wither
it will be romanticised, fantasised
for all of eternity

to me, this poem is a commentary on contemporary society. the message i hope to leave is the way in which we as a society tend to romanticise mental illness or otherwise dangerous practices in the name of beauty. it is critiquing society’s insatiable desire to be beautiful and youthful at all costs. i used the imagery of flowers throughout: roses, orchids, tulips. this is the “bouquet”. but, it becomes the “bouquet of modernity” in particular when you see the darkness that is surrounding these objectively beautiful, delicate, naturally-occurring entities. for example, the tulip stems tied with a ribbon, a “noose”, referencing the outwards perception of beauty but within we are resigned to a fateful life of being judged by appearances and appeasing society’s gaze. 

i especially enjoy the lines “their beautiful harvest / wilted, dry, dangling”. referencing orchid roots, i think this perfectly encapsulates the pressure for us to cut parts of ourselves off that don’t fit with our peers or surroundings. it represents those of us who never see our own internal beauty until it’s too late, and we’re left “dangling”, because society judges us only externally. 

i included reference to swans because i find them completely admirable. they’re beautiful and ethereal yet disturbed and ferocious, angry, even. a swan to me within this poem represents someone beaten into conforming to society’s strict beauty regime and who has been worn down by the harshness of judgment, left with anger and bite. but they could also represent a kind of “wolf in sheep’s clothing”: something beautiful yet evil, much like many things sold to us now are.

the ending two lines tie the bouquet of modernity up together perfectly. they comment on the never-ending romanticism of pain and suffering when the person in question is conventionally beautiful. this is something i see constantly on social media: someone who’s ill or hurting but their struggles are simply looked past and they are objectified, chalked up to only their external features and objectively “beautiful” appearance. modern society is often so obsessed with beauty that it is all we see; we don’t appreciate us for us. 

i hope you enjoyed this, lovely guests, because i enjoyed writing it for you all. let me know what you think.

love, your blog admin ~Sparkle

fulfilment of the soul

 hello lovely guests~ today, i wanted to discuss creation, and how all of us can find beauty in our lives through making art and creating things ♡:.+ ٩(๑❛o❛๑)۶+.:♡

recently, i’ve been overwhelmed with a sense of creativity and have been sewing or drawing lots of days, much more frequently than i had been doing before..

i’ve been working mostly on prototype products for my planned instagram shop. i’m hoping to sell hand-made textile products and have been practicing a coin purse & makeup pouch design. on instagram i’d been seeing lots of ual csm student’s works which has inspired me to draw in my own time for the first time in months. the work that csm students produce is other-worldly.. their minds work differently to the rest of us i think.. everything they produce is so beautiful ♡

i’ve been feeling motivated when seeing these works online and i’m so glad that it’s making me inspired. but, this doesn’t come without pitfalls. looking at other’s work, inevitably, creates comparison which i find really demotivating ㅜㅜ i often look at other people’s art/crafts and feel as though mine aren’t good enough or creative enough. i’m a real perfectionist so these thoughts make me not even want to create at all..

i’m working on that. i think that it’s something that we can all relate to- comparison- and something we can all work on changing. remember to take each day as it comes. nothing is perfect or done right in one try. let yourself practice and fail and learn; that’s the beauty of the creative process. it is a process. i hope that this resonates with someone out there and you can hear my message. good things are coming~

allow beauty and art into your life; look for it within the little things. finding beauty in the mundane will bring you such joy. once you start looking for beauty, even the most boring things will begin to shine.

your admin, Sparkle ♡ 

let the light living in your ♡ bloom

hello again cosmos-dwellers ♡(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♡ today’s post is another with minimal direction simply because i am in the mood to write for you all..

i,m writing on my laptop for the first time . this is a new experience for this blog. i like seeing my pages from new perspectives like this: it's refreshing. it makes me feel like an outsider looking in on my blog. i wonder what someone who came across my blog would think? how would they view me; what picture of me would they create in their mind? let me help you, dearest reader: i have brown hair and i have little golden highlights running through it. my eyes are brown too- dark brown. right now i'm wearing my glasses, but i don't usually. i'm wearing my favourite pink button-down shirt with a pink tie. what do you think of me now? has your picture changed to fit...

tonight, i'm listening to Windswept Adan by ichiko aoba. i love this album and the cover art- it's so beautiful and serene and twinkly. makes me feel like a wood nymph. 

i reorganized my spotify a little tonight; changed some playlist covers to new photos that i found in the cosmos. i also made a new tumblr blog. it has zero followers and not a single interaction. i like that. it only has the prettiest pictures and peace. no one could disturb me there, it's like a little digital daydream. i really love pretty things. my infatuation with curating feeds and personas is probably quite telling about me. i often feel as though i live with my head in the clouds.. maybe something in my chart explains this. my libra ascendant making me obsessed with my appearance even digitally? i'm unsure

porcelain by aoba just came on. i love this song so much. it feels sad almost, but in a sort of bitter-sweet way. aoba is a genius. 

"It's strange: our waltz waxes and wanes  月夜の waltz あわせて

In time with this moonlit night  満ちたり 引いたり 不思議なこと

The flowers bob their enormous heads  ハナゴンドウ 飛び跳ねて

Could something be awakening?  何が起きるの？

The bougainvilleas are lovely, aren't they?  ブーゲンビリア きれいね

Let the light living in your heart bloom, too  こころに宿る 光を ひらいて"

those lyrics are perfect. the way she references the moon and its lunar cycles feeds my soul ♡ 

the final line of the song leaves the listener with a message that we all need to hear now and then. it reminds us to never dull our sparkle for others, and to live as our completely authentic self, always. even wen society tells us not to, we must stay true to ourselves. we need to let our souls bloom. that really resonates with me, and i hope it can with you also lovely guests. 

i need to go now as it's getting really late and i need to sleep, but i hope you enjoyed reading my ramblings for today. if you made it to the end of this post, i appreciate you eternally. i hope that your days will bring blessings, take care. love, your edmin, Sparkle~~

heart of the lotus is beating..

hello again lovely readers ♡ i hope you are all resting well so far. today, i wanted to do a simple free-writing blog post for me to talk about what’s been going on in my world lately and how i’m feeling. i have just gotten out of the bath and am feeling warm and safe. tranquil. this is the perfect way for me to relax into my night. 

with each day that goes by i am finding it harder and harder to ignore who i want to become. i don’t know fully who they are yet, but something in my heart is out of place and it is desperate to be freed..

i need to build up the confidence to talk to my parents about this, but in every moment of free time i get too nervous. the words seem too scary: i struggle to form them. i just know that something is wrong but i am struggling to express it to myself, nevermind to others. my body just doesn’t fit. i’ve never really fit in to be honest; i’ve always been different or out of place. i don’t have any friends who are the same agab (assigned gender at birth) as me and can’t relate to anyone of my biological sex.. really i think in my heart i know who i need to be, but admitting it is the hardest part. each day this is the first thing on my mind as i wake up and what keeps me up at night when i’m trying to rest. i need to find the courage from somewhere because i cannot ignore this. i wish i could sometimes but i can’t run from myself.. i need to face it and try to understand who i truly am. like a caterpillar into a butterfly. it doesn’t have to be scary, it can be beautiful. 

i found a picture of little me in a shoebox in my room. i have on a sweet little pink dress. i think younger me was more confident than i am now.. they were never afraid to show the world exactly who they are. i hope little me can hear me. if they can, i hope they’ll send me some of their courage and guide me. ♡ i’ll need it. 

i think that this also links into my 12h sun placement. feeling like i don’t fit in anywhere, like my true purpose is not understood, feeling like i am not truly seen: it’s all traits of the 12h sun placement. everything that i’ve researched about the 12th house sun resonates with me completely.. the idea of the brightest parts of yourself being shrouded in darkness and being hidden away (12h represents the hidden things in life) i feel like could represent my identity. maybe my identity is currently hidden in darkness, but, eventually, it will burst into the light like my sun entering 1h. i think that’s really beautiful, don’t you? (o^^o)​♪ 

“people with 12h sun placements are often confused inside and identity wise because their sun itself is confused.. perhaps the juxtaposition of the sun and light next to what the 12 represents creates this confusion in people” ~ me on my private twitter expressing these same thoughts last week. 

so maybe i need to just leave this in the hands of the cosmos. i hope the universe will guide me towards my designated path. i have faith. ✉️ Sparkle 

 ​♪  sweet carolina - lana del rey