my mind’s eye: opening slowly

 hello again dearest readers, it has been quite some time since i’ve written to you all and i apologise. i haven’t found time or inspiration to write here. 

but, today, i am back with another analysis of a poem i wrote recently, and telling you all what the meaning behind this poem is. i hope you enjoy it ​♪ 

11.12.22 ♡ bouquet of modernity

my mind
opening slowly: a rosebud
though thick with layers
of despair and blood

my mind’s eye
opening slowly
swans enter my dreams
touching me with gentle beauty
and ferocity

connected
my mind my heart my soul
by orchid roots, tangling
their beautiful harvest
wilted, dry, dangling

tulip stems
tied with silk ribbon: a noose
dying slowly: a bouquet of modernity
resigned to wither
it will be romanticised, fantasised
for all of eternity

to me, this poem is a commentary on contemporary society. the message i hope to leave is the way in which we as a society tend to romanticise mental illness or otherwise dangerous practices in the name of beauty. it is critiquing society’s insatiable desire to be beautiful and youthful at all costs. i used the imagery of flowers throughout: roses, orchids, tulips. this is the “bouquet”. but, it becomes the “bouquet of modernity” in particular when you see the darkness that is surrounding these objectively beautiful, delicate, naturally-occurring entities. for example, the tulip stems tied with a ribbon, a “noose”, referencing the outwards perception of beauty but within we are resigned to a fateful life of being judged by appearances and appeasing society’s gaze. 

i especially enjoy the lines “their beautiful harvest / wilted, dry, dangling”. referencing orchid roots, i think this perfectly encapsulates the pressure for us to cut parts of ourselves off that don’t fit with our peers or surroundings. it represents those of us who never see our own internal beauty until it’s too late, and we’re left “dangling”, because society judges us only externally. 

i included reference to swans because i find them completely admirable. they’re beautiful and ethereal yet disturbed and ferocious, angry, even. a swan to me within this poem represents someone beaten into conforming to society’s strict beauty regime and who has been worn down by the harshness of judgment, left with anger and bite. but they could also represent a kind of “wolf in sheep’s clothing”: something beautiful yet evil, much like many things sold to us now are.

the ending two lines tie the bouquet of modernity up together perfectly. they comment on the never-ending romanticism of pain and suffering when the person in question is conventionally beautiful. this is something i see constantly on social media: someone who’s ill or hurting but their struggles are simply looked past and they are objectified, chalked up to only their external features and objectively “beautiful” appearance. modern society is often so obsessed with beauty that it is all we see; we don’t appreciate us for us. 

i hope you enjoyed this, lovely guests, because i enjoyed writing it for you all. let me know what you think.

love, your blog admin ~Sparkle

fulfilment of the soul

 hello lovely guests~ today, i wanted to discuss creation, and how all of us can find beauty in our lives through making art and creating things ♡:.+ ٩(๑❛o❛๑)۶+.:♡

recently, i’ve been overwhelmed with a sense of creativity and have been sewing or drawing lots of days, much more frequently than i had been doing before..

i’ve been working mostly on prototype products for my planned instagram shop. i’m hoping to sell hand-made textile products and have been practicing a coin purse & makeup pouch design. on instagram i’d been seeing lots of ual csm student’s works which has inspired me to draw in my own time for the first time in months. the work that csm students produce is other-worldly.. their minds work differently to the rest of us i think.. everything they produce is so beautiful ♡

i’ve been feeling motivated when seeing these works online and i’m so glad that it’s making me inspired. but, this doesn’t come without pitfalls. looking at other’s work, inevitably, creates comparison which i find really demotivating ㅜㅜ i often look at other people’s art/crafts and feel as though mine aren’t good enough or creative enough. i’m a real perfectionist so these thoughts make me not even want to create at all..

i’m working on that. i think that it’s something that we can all relate to- comparison- and something we can all work on changing. remember to take each day as it comes. nothing is perfect or done right in one try. let yourself practice and fail and learn; that’s the beauty of the creative process. it is a process. i hope that this resonates with someone out there and you can hear my message. good things are coming~

allow beauty and art into your life; look for it within the little things. finding beauty in the mundane will bring you such joy. once you start looking for beauty, even the most boring things will begin to shine.

your admin, Sparkle ♡ 

let the light living in your ♡ bloom

hello again cosmos-dwellers ♡(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♡ today’s post is another with minimal direction simply because i am in the mood to write for you all..

i,m writing on my laptop for the first time . this is a new experience for this blog. i like seeing my pages from new perspectives like this: it's refreshing. it makes me feel like an outsider looking in on my blog. i wonder what someone who came across my blog would think? how would they view me; what picture of me would they create in their mind? let me help you, dearest reader: i have brown hair and i have little golden highlights running through it. my eyes are brown too- dark brown. right now i'm wearing my glasses, but i don't usually. i'm wearing my favourite pink button-down shirt with a pink tie. what do you think of me now? has your picture changed to fit...

tonight, i'm listening to Windswept Adan by ichiko aoba. i love this album and the cover art- it's so beautiful and serene and twinkly. makes me feel like a wood nymph. 

i reorganized my spotify a little tonight; changed some playlist covers to new photos that i found in the cosmos. i also made a new tumblr blog. it has zero followers and not a single interaction. i like that. it only has the prettiest pictures and peace. no one could disturb me there, it's like a little digital daydream. i really love pretty things. my infatuation with curating feeds and personas is probably quite telling about me. i often feel as though i live with my head in the clouds.. maybe something in my chart explains this. my libra ascendant making me obsessed with my appearance even digitally? i'm unsure

porcelain by aoba just came on. i love this song so much. it feels sad almost, but in a sort of bitter-sweet way. aoba is a genius. 

"It's strange: our waltz waxes and wanes  月夜の waltz あわせて

In time with this moonlit night  満ちたり 引いたり 不思議なこと

The flowers bob their enormous heads  ハナゴンドウ 飛び跳ねて

Could something be awakening?  何が起きるの？

The bougainvilleas are lovely, aren't they?  ブーゲンビリア きれいね

Let the light living in your heart bloom, too  こころに宿る 光を ひらいて"

those lyrics are perfect. the way she references the moon and its lunar cycles feeds my soul ♡ 

the final line of the song leaves the listener with a message that we all need to hear now and then. it reminds us to never dull our sparkle for others, and to live as our completely authentic self, always. even wen society tells us not to, we must stay true to ourselves. we need to let our souls bloom. that really resonates with me, and i hope it can with you also lovely guests. 

i need to go now as it's getting really late and i need to sleep, but i hope you enjoyed reading my ramblings for today. if you made it to the end of this post, i appreciate you eternally. i hope that your days will bring blessings, take care. love, your edmin, Sparkle~~

heart of the lotus is beating..

hello again lovely readers ♡ i hope you are all resting well so far. today, i wanted to do a simple free-writing blog post for me to talk about what’s been going on in my world lately and how i’m feeling. i have just gotten out of the bath and am feeling warm and safe. tranquil. this is the perfect way for me to relax into my night. 

with each day that goes by i am finding it harder and harder to ignore who i want to become. i don’t know fully who they are yet, but something in my heart is out of place and it is desperate to be freed..

i need to build up the confidence to talk to my parents about this, but in every moment of free time i get too nervous. the words seem too scary: i struggle to form them. i just know that something is wrong but i am struggling to express it to myself, nevermind to others. my body just doesn’t fit. i’ve never really fit in to be honest; i’ve always been different or out of place. i don’t have any friends who are the same agab (assigned gender at birth) as me and can’t relate to anyone of my biological sex.. really i think in my heart i know who i need to be, but admitting it is the hardest part. each day this is the first thing on my mind as i wake up and what keeps me up at night when i’m trying to rest. i need to find the courage from somewhere because i cannot ignore this. i wish i could sometimes but i can’t run from myself.. i need to face it and try to understand who i truly am. like a caterpillar into a butterfly. it doesn’t have to be scary, it can be beautiful. 

i found a picture of little me in a shoebox in my room. i have on a sweet little pink dress. i think younger me was more confident than i am now.. they were never afraid to show the world exactly who they are. i hope little me can hear me. if they can, i hope they’ll send me some of their courage and guide me. ♡ i’ll need it. 

i think that this also links into my 12h sun placement. feeling like i don’t fit in anywhere, like my true purpose is not understood, feeling like i am not truly seen: it’s all traits of the 12h sun placement. everything that i’ve researched about the 12th house sun resonates with me completely.. the idea of the brightest parts of yourself being shrouded in darkness and being hidden away (12h represents the hidden things in life) i feel like could represent my identity. maybe my identity is currently hidden in darkness, but, eventually, it will burst into the light like my sun entering 1h. i think that’s really beautiful, don’t you? (o^^o)​♪ 

“people with 12h sun placements are often confused inside and identity wise because their sun itself is confused.. perhaps the juxtaposition of the sun and light next to what the 12 represents creates this confusion in people” ~ me on my private twitter expressing these same thoughts last week. 

so maybe i need to just leave this in the hands of the cosmos. i hope the universe will guide me towards my designated path. i have faith. ✉️ Sparkle 

 ​♪  sweet carolina - lana del rey

시 (of the heart ♡)

hello again, sweet guests. i hope you are enjoying your residence here so far. welcome back to the spiritual waiting room ♡ today, i am offering poems that i wrote, and trying to explain to you the meaning behind them and what they tell us about the world.

i think i love poems because of they’re beautiful yet so simplistic. often composed of short sentences and words yet conveying a message; i think it’s a beautiful thing. much like the korean word for poem, 시, a new word i’ve learnt with this entry in mind, they’re short and sweet. not over complicated but filled with emotion. so here’s my 사랑시 (love poem) to the world. enjoy 즐겨요.

07.10.22 ♡ secrets from a lotus

wandering angel

my wings are tired

tired of wandering this plain

watch over me

and the other dreamers

whisper to the moon whilst it’s on the wane

bury a secret

deep inside of a wilting lotus

nestled, she’s

between petals

it will float away,

warm with the oncoming breeze

above all, my poems are streams of words and emotions that resonate with me at the time. but, i find that afterwards a deeper meaning can be found between the written lines. with that in mind, this poem to me is representative of the burdens many of us carry around with us in mortal society: “tired of wandering this plain”- referencing said burdens and expectations we hold ourselves to and we are held up to by society, that we exhaust ourselves trying to reach. so, in contrast to this more dystopian view of society, we go back to our roots: the idea of “burying” secrets “deep inside of a wilting lotus” is the idea of going back to our fundamental roots- nature and finding beauty in our surroundings. finding tranquility amongst chaos. the meaning goes deeper than what the line may suggest. it’s advice to us all that we should let go of the aforementioned burdens and leave them to nature in search of peace, when they will “float away” with the “breeze”. ending the poem with mention of breeze, something so slow and naturally occurring brings it back to the original message- that sometimes we feel slow and beaten down by life. but, by accepting and freeing ourselves, we can find inner sanctuary. ​♪

i hope you enjoyed~ take what resonates and think about what you’re carrying day-to-day that you could let go of. share your burdens and worries; they’ll float away. 

i hope this reaches you well. live happily ♡ your admin, sparkle

feel your existence

hellooo again dearest readers ♡ this is your host Sparkle speaking and today i wanted to discuss blogging as a concept.. ironic that i’m posting this on a blog…

so, blogging: i find that blogging can come in very different forms for different people. for example, many people use their personal blogs as a way to display their crafts or products. blogging i think is something seen as quite outdated in our modern sphere yet i believe that it’s on the rise again, just taking a new, updated form. like most things, blogging is a shapeshifter. traditionally, blogging was for tips or advice. and then tumblr was released. 

i think that tumblr greatly changed the way in which we view blogs: no longer were they relics, monuments of past times left up to guide the people of the future. now, they were cool and edgy, in a way, displaying pictures and a perfectly curated and individual energy to the whole interweb. this is the first shift from blogs being for mum’s or crafters into a mainstream younger audience. i mean, i remember when i was little my mum always saying that her and i should start a blog where we talk about anything at all and i always found her idea a little silly. this is what made me want to talk about this topic as i wanted to explore the change. 

i keep two physical journals: a bullet journal and a mini pocket journal for miscellaneous entries. i tend to put my poems and astrological notes in there along with my stream of emotions coming out as words on the page. and i love this. i love the intimacy of my journals; they’re safe, no one can find me there. but something inside me longs insatiably. i have an unquenchable desire to reach people, like-minded people who enjoy things like me and think the same way i do. i think this again comes down to often feeling out of place among my peers. i either feel that they’re immature or just don’t understand me. i struggle to feel understood in this world so often filled with judgement and hate. people’s hearts these days are like lockets but rather than opening gently and with sweet memories stored within, they’re locked away behind bars and with padlocks. it’s hard to connect. especially when you feel different from the people around you.

don’t get me wrong, i have a wonderful friend group who i love very much, but they don’t really. understand me. obviously no one is ever fully understood by anyone, that’s the nature of being a sentient human, but most can see themselves in their peers more than i usually can. i generally find it hard to identify with others; i even find it hard to identify with myself, which i’ve mentioned briefly in a previous entry, but that’s a topic for another time. 

but im losing track of myself. my point is that i need to speak to people and discover what’s truly out there in the world- the real world, not the highschool world i depart from daily. so, i think this is what pushed me to create my blog: a strange mix of emotions. on one hand, i need solitude and safety, a place where i can only be perceived by myself. but, at the same time, i desperately want to touch people’s hearts and minds and souls and beings. so i created a public blog. 

not many people use them, unless they think in the same way that you do. that’s a beautiful thing. being surrounded by other people who understand. it’s tranquil for the mind.

that’s all. i hope my guests, you readers, enjoyed this entry. don’t feel you need to read it all. take what resonates with you as you wish. ♡ 

i hope that this reaches you well. 

​♪  感覺你的存在 (feel your existence) - jolin tsai

a seat in the spiritual waiting room ♡​♪

 i realised after uploading my previous entry that i hadn’t done a proper introduction.. so that’s what this is  ​♪

i have a basic intro on my sidebar which you can read (it contains my basic info and interests as well as what music i like etcetera) but i wanted to share some things about myself here for whomever may find my blog in the online cosmos

i am someone who likes a lot of things and wants to try every activity there is, and i have quite an obsessive personality i suppose.. so once i find something i enjoy, i tend to latch onto it for some time ♡

 i recently discovered the joy of astrology and all things cosmic. i think part of the reason i enjoy learning about this is because it helps me to understand myself. i struggle alot with my gender identity and am only slowly coming to terms with who i want to be; astrology helps me to find sense in my character, which can feel so confusing at times. i also just think the stars are so pretty [ㅜ__ㅜ] astrology to me is incredible because it’s like real life magic. the fact that we can discover things about ourselves and others by simply reading the stars and planets is something so beautiful.. and stars never die

i run a small astrology blog on tumblr to document transits and my learning if anyone’s interested. it’s @cosmicmail ✉️

another thing i find beautiful is language. the art of communication with other beings through unique sounds and letters, no two of which are the same, is an underappreciated art i think !!! i have been learning french for a while now and want to become fluent, and i have also always had a desire to learn a language that doesn’t use the latin alphabet. 나는 배우어 한국 ♡! i chose to learn korean because i think both the language and country are beautiful, and i already knew 한골 so it made perfect sense (๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪ i would love to learn mandarin as well but i think it would be a huge challenge.. maybe one day

the thing i love the most in life is fashion. to me,  clothes and fashion is its own art that can be interpreted however you please. that’s the magic of it. i collect fashion magazines from all around the world, and for every country i visit i buy an issue of the country’s vogue ♡ magazines and books are a passion and obsession of mine.. i have a very large shelf… i will love anything fashion-related really: fashion history, trends, collections and publications. my favourite designers + brands currently are vivienne westwood (always ♡), sandy liang, shushu/tong and miu miu, although, as i said, i love anything even if it’s not my “style”- i’ll still find it interesting. speaking of, i would describe my style as a feminine sort of preppy, quite timeless and with a lot of button-down shirts and ties. but, one of my favourite styles is any gyaru subculture, they’re always so cool ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

so, i think you understand the general message. i enjoy beautiful things: astrology, language, fashion. and so many more (see my side bar). i hope you enjoyed this entry, wonderful reader. i hope this has reached you well and the stars are aligning perfectly so our frequencies meet.. ♡

take care. ~sparkle

p.s. my big3 is virgo sun, cap moon + libra rising